A note for my kids (and other people who are clueless) today. I think my offspring could use a few tips on how to behave and why. I think more parents should be open with their kids about life beyond the doors of their home. There are way too many kids doing drugs and having babies. I realize that sometimes these things just happen and sometimes to very good kids, but maybe if their parents shared with them what was expected and how life works, those things wouldn't happen as often. Maybe I'm wrong... but I thought I would share things that I have learned over the years.
Useful Tips for Life...
1. Respect yourself - For my girls, this means that Mommy can't tell you what you you do with your body. But I KNOW what teenage boys want. It's one thing. They will tell you anything to get it. It's called SEX. Respect yourself enough to know that you have the right to say no.. whenever you want, with no explanation.. If you say yes, you also have to live with what happens after. Sometimes it's not so pretty.
For my boys, this means don't be a pig. Don't use people (IE, girls). Don't say things you don't mean just to have fun.
For everyone, don't give in to what everyone else is doing. You don't have drink or smoke with everyone else to their friend. Being the designated driver has perks too. And if you do decide to party, don't be above calling your mom or dad (ANYTIME) to come and get you and any friends who might need a ride home too.
2. Don't Lie.- For obvious reasons. You won't be trusted by anyone if you start down this road. This advice will apply for the rest of your life.
3. Stand up for yourself. - It's OK to believe in something. Don't let other people and their ignorance make you think that your beliefs and values are wrong. This is something that I can't stress enough. We live in a small, closed minded community. The real world is full of different people. Just because they don't wear Wranglers and cowboy boots doesn't mean they are bad. They are all different colors and races, some people are gay. Some even have disabilities. ALL of those people have feelings and quite a few of them make really great friends. You don't have to like all of them, but you must be nice. If you can't be nice, then try your best to tolerate them. Not liking someone because they are gay, or Muslim, or a democrat, or have a tattoo of Scooby Doo isn't acceptable. Don't judge someone on those things alone. It makes you look like a total ignorant ass.
4. Be friends with whomever you want. - This may be tricky at times. But if one friend doesn't like another one of your friends. That is THEIR problem, not yours. You can be friends with people who don't like each other. However, you must follow one rule... Don't talk to one friend about the other when you are together. This is a surefire way to lose one friend or both.
5. Your Family will always be your family. - This is a hard one to think about right now, when brothers drive you batty and sisters steal your favorite shirts. Just remember in the years to come, these are the people who will pick you up when your world falls apart. You may not talk to them on a daily basis, but you will know in the back of your mind that they are there when you need them most.
6. Try to understand where your parents are coming from. - Yet again, another hard one. I will let you in on a little secret. Parents are not experts. We have no clue if we are screwing you up or making you a better person. In the end, you make the choices. We are here to try and steer you in a direction that will keep you safe and ultimately make your life better. We don't want you to make the same mistakes we made. Sometimes we come across as total asses. This isn't because we don't love you. It's because we know the world is a very hard place to be when you are on your own and we want you to have some preparation for it. When we ask you to work hard and take things seriously it's because one day we know we won't be there to offer the advice and you'll have to do it on your own.
7. Trust your instincts. - If you are scared, get away from whatever it is that is scary. Don't get into cars with strangers...EVER. If you are thinking someone is a jerk or isn't good for you... stay away from them. If you fall in love with one of those people, walk away. They may tell you nasty things or try to get you to stay, but trust me, it will never get better. It's best to get out quicker rather than wait half your life and wish you had hurt a few feelings, rather than have a huge mess to deal with later. If your family and friends are telling you you are making a huge mistake. Think about it. They are probably right. Sometimes swallowing your pride will make things better in the long run.
8. Follow your dreams. - Don't let anyone get in your way. Do the things you want to do while you are young. Once you get married and have kids, it's much harder to do the things you have dreamed about. You can still do them, but you'll find that dreams get pushed aside very quickly when you have a baby who is sick or a house payment that needs to be paid.
9. Travel! - Get away from this place where we are living. Don't be a homebody. Your bed will be there when you come home. See the world and all those different people I talked about before. There are so many amazing places to go and things to see. Don't ever pass up an oppurtunity for a road trip. You have Gypsy blood running through your veins, stir it up a little. Open your mind to as many new experiences as you can. It will make you a better person. Trust me.
10. Read! - Newspapers, magazines, books, cereal boxes, medical dictionarys. Whatever you can get your hands on... stimulate your brain. You will be surpised at what you can learn just reading a box of Mini Wheats. You'll also find places you can escape to when things are slow or you just need some "me" time. If you don't like reading.... WRITE! I know you all have tons of stories. Share them with the world.
There are so many other words of advice that have been shared with me over the years. These are just a few that have stuck in my head. Hopefully, my kids will read them and thier eyes won't glaze over. I love my kids more than life itself. I know I have spoiled them over the years and tried to shelter them from all the bad things that happen in this world. However,they will all be heading out on thier own soon and maybe a few of my words of advice will help them when things get rough. Forrest's mama was right... Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. Trust in the people who love you. They are your shelter when the storm rolls in, and they will also gladly slam the door on your butt, as you are leaving, when you've stayed too long at their house.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Closet Slob...
As I sit here at my computer, I keep hearing this nagging voice in my ear... I'm trying to ignore it, but it won't go away. It sounds sort of like my mother, back on those Saturday mornings when I was kid. She would say, "you aren't going outside until your room is clean and your chores are done."
ARGH... what a pain, who wants to clean when the weather out is perfect? Certainly not me, but I have this horrid mess in my closet. It IS really nice outside today. I could go ride that horse in the pasture that has the equine version of a human "beer gut".
Or I could mow the lawn or maybe just drive around on the four wheeler and "check the cows." Seriously though, my messy closet will still be here when I get back, won't it? I go in there every morning and tell myself I am going to clean it. It hasn't happened. Well, that's not true. I HAVE cleaned my closet, just not lately. I keep piling the clothes in there hoping that some fairies or elves or something will show up, late in the night and magically clean and organize the whole mess. They must be busy someplace else, because my closet still looks like a bomb went off in there.
I suppose I must say that some of the blame lies with my husband. He shares the closet with me. He goes in there too. Everyday, he finds a shirt in his part of the closet (which, FYI, is bigger than my part of the closet) and he comes out with his fresh clean shirt, leaving me empty hangers to fill. He could clean it, right? I mean we've only been married four years. What did he do before me? Hmm, I'm thinking he had the WHOLE closet and finding ways to organize it weren't so pressing for him. So, I guess I should take most of the blame for why our closet is a huge mess. I buy most all the clothing around here. Even though whenever we have to go out someplace, I have NOTHING decent to wear. Seriously, I never have anything nice to wear. When you live on a ranch, who is there to impress? My wardrobe consists of jeans, hooded sweatshirts, stained tee shirts and muck boots. I haven't heard the cows complaining about my dirty jeans and stained sweatshirts. They still keep eating the hay I put out there, so obviously my attire doesn't bother them. It bothers me, but I digress.
Right now, I really can't think of a good reason to clean the closet, other than I might find some "new" clothes that I haven't worn in six months or so and feel really snazzy wearing something different out.... on the ranch and to work (which is on the ranch in a little trailer, where I cook the most delicious food on the planet, but that's another story). The obvious reason to clean it would be that I would be living in a nice clean organized house with immaculate closets. HA!!! I have three full time kids and one part timer... (a dog, three cats, a husband-though I think I mentioned him before) living in this house. Both of my girls have clean closets (see, I pass on good genes) so, I can just refer people to their closets when they open one in another area of the house and find something falling out on top of them.
What I'm really waiting for is some "organizational" materials to put IN the closet to "help" me know where things should go. You know, those handy bins and shelves and hooks and stuff?? Those are great. Actually, I wouldn't know that they are great, but they look really nice in the pictures and displays at the hardware store. When I'm standing there in the "closet organizing" dept at the store, I really want to buy that stuff, but for some odd reason, I never have the measurements and dimensions for the things that I might need. Sometimes, I drive ALL the way to town thinking that I'm going to buy all the stuff I need to "fix" the closets, and then I come out of the store with a really nice new razor knife (box cutter), for cutting hay bales. That's it!! Just a razor knife. And I'm totally thrilled about it. Sad, huh? I just can't break down and buy the "stuff" for the closet. Somehow, I know that those boxes and bins will just sit in my entry or they might make it into my closet (unopened and un-assembled) until I find time to start another project.
That's what it all boils down to, finding time. Prioritizing. There are a million things around this place that need to be done. But, there's only one of me. There's only one of my husband too. Right now, we have a project that is going into it's fourth week. Our living room is half covered with hardwood floor and all the furniture in it is jammed into the far corner of the room. It looks really pretty... if you were used to living in a junkyard. Or if you are a cat. Our cats are having a great time, because all the couches and chairs are snuggled close together making it a perfect kitty sleeping place. We'd like to get that room finished though, so it's on the top of the "HOUSE" priority list. And that list falls behind the "Reuben's Work" list, the "Jenny's Work" list, the "RANCH" list and the "KIDS" list. See what I'm getting at? The closet isn't ranking up there very high.
I hope that I'm not alone in the fact that my closet is in severe need of love. It seems to be a "catch-all" for the stuff that just accumulates in an average week/month....year....decade... (hee hee) It's really not that funny to me, but as long as my laundry is folded and clean when I stack into the little piles in the closet, I suppose that will have to be okay for now. Maybe someday, when the kids are grown, the cows are all fed and the horses are skin and bones, (and the little fairies and elves come in the middle of the night) I will have time to really clean my closet. Until then, my friends will have to accept me like the cows do... stained shirts, muck boots and all...
ARGH... what a pain, who wants to clean when the weather out is perfect? Certainly not me, but I have this horrid mess in my closet. It IS really nice outside today. I could go ride that horse in the pasture that has the equine version of a human "beer gut".
I suppose I must say that some of the blame lies with my husband. He shares the closet with me. He goes in there too. Everyday, he finds a shirt in his part of the closet (which, FYI, is bigger than my part of the closet) and he comes out with his fresh clean shirt, leaving me empty hangers to fill. He could clean it, right? I mean we've only been married four years. What did he do before me? Hmm, I'm thinking he had the WHOLE closet and finding ways to organize it weren't so pressing for him. So, I guess I should take most of the blame for why our closet is a huge mess. I buy most all the clothing around here. Even though whenever we have to go out someplace, I have NOTHING decent to wear. Seriously, I never have anything nice to wear. When you live on a ranch, who is there to impress? My wardrobe consists of jeans, hooded sweatshirts, stained tee shirts and muck boots. I haven't heard the cows complaining about my dirty jeans and stained sweatshirts. They still keep eating the hay I put out there, so obviously my attire doesn't bother them. It bothers me, but I digress.
Right now, I really can't think of a good reason to clean the closet, other than I might find some "new" clothes that I haven't worn in six months or so and feel really snazzy wearing something different out.... on the ranch and to work (which is on the ranch in a little trailer, where I cook the most delicious food on the planet, but that's another story). The obvious reason to clean it would be that I would be living in a nice clean organized house with immaculate closets. HA!!! I have three full time kids and one part timer... (a dog, three cats, a husband-though I think I mentioned him before) living in this house. Both of my girls have clean closets (see, I pass on good genes) so, I can just refer people to their closets when they open one in another area of the house and find something falling out on top of them.
What I'm really waiting for is some "organizational" materials to put IN the closet to "help" me know where things should go. You know, those handy bins and shelves and hooks and stuff?? Those are great. Actually, I wouldn't know that they are great, but they look really nice in the pictures and displays at the hardware store. When I'm standing there in the "closet organizing" dept at the store, I really want to buy that stuff, but for some odd reason, I never have the measurements and dimensions for the things that I might need. Sometimes, I drive ALL the way to town thinking that I'm going to buy all the stuff I need to "fix" the closets, and then I come out of the store with a really nice new razor knife (box cutter), for cutting hay bales. That's it!! Just a razor knife. And I'm totally thrilled about it. Sad, huh? I just can't break down and buy the "stuff" for the closet. Somehow, I know that those boxes and bins will just sit in my entry or they might make it into my closet (unopened and un-assembled) until I find time to start another project.
That's what it all boils down to, finding time. Prioritizing. There are a million things around this place that need to be done. But, there's only one of me. There's only one of my husband too. Right now, we have a project that is going into it's fourth week. Our living room is half covered with hardwood floor and all the furniture in it is jammed into the far corner of the room. It looks really pretty... if you were used to living in a junkyard. Or if you are a cat. Our cats are having a great time, because all the couches and chairs are snuggled close together making it a perfect kitty sleeping place. We'd like to get that room finished though, so it's on the top of the "HOUSE" priority list. And that list falls behind the "Reuben's Work" list, the "Jenny's Work" list, the "RANCH" list and the "KIDS" list. See what I'm getting at? The closet isn't ranking up there very high.
I hope that I'm not alone in the fact that my closet is in severe need of love. It seems to be a "catch-all" for the stuff that just accumulates in an average week/month....year....decade... (hee hee) It's really not that funny to me, but as long as my laundry is folded and clean when I stack into the little piles in the closet, I suppose that will have to be okay for now. Maybe someday, when the kids are grown, the cows are all fed and the horses are skin and bones, (and the little fairies and elves come in the middle of the night) I will have time to really clean my closet. Until then, my friends will have to accept me like the cows do... stained shirts, muck boots and all...
Friday, October 1, 2010
My First Blog Attempt
Well, after years of thinking, "I should really write this stuff down," here I am. I've always wanted to share my thoughts with the rest of the world, because I know you all will be better off for it. (wink-wink) In all seriousness, there's always been a burning desire to write within me and since I'm pretty sure, I'll never be published in a real book, I can pretend right here.
The real problem I'm having is where to begin? I think, maybe, I will begin with a dedication to a lady that I didn't know extremely well, but one that I feel would like to be remembered - Jayne Harris Voiles.
I can't remember the first time I met Jayne. I'm sure it was at a school function and since I'm "new" (meaning-I wasn't born here) to this rural community, I was probably being introduced to quite a few people, and, more than likely, I didn't remember half of their names twenty minutes later. However, Jayne stood out in my mind. She was funny. Not just cute funny. But "tell it like it is" funny. I liked her. She seemed genuine in my jaded eyes. My husband told me later that Jayne and his mom had gone to school together and she was quite a character. She did things her way, was outspoken, and she was quite a cowgirl. I thought those were traits that any woman should admire.
Anytime I had the chance to spend time around Jayne, it was, well, an experience. I'm still a novice when it comes to living a life of a rancher's wife. Four years doesn't make a master of anyone at much of anything and Lord knows, I've tried, but I'm still struggling with all the details of living in a small ranching community "in the middle of nowhere" (as my dad would say). School functions and get togethers that I dreaded because I didn't "fit in" were made less confusing and much more fun with Jayne around. She didn't mince words when she felt strongly about something and yet, she never came across as mean or rude. You knew where you stood with Jayne. You didn't have to wonder if she was saying one thing to your face and telling everyone else that you were some stupid "wanna-be" behind your back. Those are qualities I'm still trying to figure out. Maybe in twenty years I will be better. Probably not, but I can hope right?
I'm sure that Jayne had her faults too, we all have those. Regrets and mistakes make us who we are and hopefully teach us a little about life. I get to remember Jayne as a woman who welcomed me to this community with open arms. She made me laugh. She helped me to see this world I married into in a different light. Not just an isolated place where I was a stranger, outsider and a total joke when it came to knowing anything. She helped me to see that if I just reached out and put myself (the real me) out there, people would like me for who I am. And if they didn't... it was their loss, not mine.
Jayne passed away on Sept. 28th 2010, in her sleep, next to her husband Claude. Even though I didn't know her as well as I would have liked, I'm pretty sure that was the perfect end to her life. Falling into an eternal sleep next to a man, whom I know loved her deeply. I know this because every time I saw them together, he would look at her the way every girl wishes their guy would look at them . You know, the way the movies always show people in love??? Well, that was how Claude looked at Jayne. I can't imagine the hole that was left in his heart with her passing. (Well, I can a little bit, but that's another story) I do know that she left behind a memory that will live for a very long time. Today she is in my thoughts and I'm hoping that the ones who loved her will know that she was an inspiration for many, even me.... the "new" girl who hopes that one day I can be even half the rancher, wife, mother.... woman that Jayne had been. Rest in Peace. We will miss you.
The real problem I'm having is where to begin? I think, maybe, I will begin with a dedication to a lady that I didn't know extremely well, but one that I feel would like to be remembered - Jayne Harris Voiles.
I can't remember the first time I met Jayne. I'm sure it was at a school function and since I'm "new" (meaning-I wasn't born here) to this rural community, I was probably being introduced to quite a few people, and, more than likely, I didn't remember half of their names twenty minutes later. However, Jayne stood out in my mind. She was funny. Not just cute funny. But "tell it like it is" funny. I liked her. She seemed genuine in my jaded eyes. My husband told me later that Jayne and his mom had gone to school together and she was quite a character. She did things her way, was outspoken, and she was quite a cowgirl. I thought those were traits that any woman should admire.
Anytime I had the chance to spend time around Jayne, it was, well, an experience. I'm still a novice when it comes to living a life of a rancher's wife. Four years doesn't make a master of anyone at much of anything and Lord knows, I've tried, but I'm still struggling with all the details of living in a small ranching community "in the middle of nowhere" (as my dad would say). School functions and get togethers that I dreaded because I didn't "fit in" were made less confusing and much more fun with Jayne around. She didn't mince words when she felt strongly about something and yet, she never came across as mean or rude. You knew where you stood with Jayne. You didn't have to wonder if she was saying one thing to your face and telling everyone else that you were some stupid "wanna-be" behind your back. Those are qualities I'm still trying to figure out. Maybe in twenty years I will be better. Probably not, but I can hope right?
I'm sure that Jayne had her faults too, we all have those. Regrets and mistakes make us who we are and hopefully teach us a little about life. I get to remember Jayne as a woman who welcomed me to this community with open arms. She made me laugh. She helped me to see this world I married into in a different light. Not just an isolated place where I was a stranger, outsider and a total joke when it came to knowing anything. She helped me to see that if I just reached out and put myself (the real me) out there, people would like me for who I am. And if they didn't... it was their loss, not mine.
Jayne passed away on Sept. 28th 2010, in her sleep, next to her husband Claude. Even though I didn't know her as well as I would have liked, I'm pretty sure that was the perfect end to her life. Falling into an eternal sleep next to a man, whom I know loved her deeply. I know this because every time I saw them together, he would look at her the way every girl wishes their guy would look at them . You know, the way the movies always show people in love??? Well, that was how Claude looked at Jayne. I can't imagine the hole that was left in his heart with her passing. (Well, I can a little bit, but that's another story) I do know that she left behind a memory that will live for a very long time. Today she is in my thoughts and I'm hoping that the ones who loved her will know that she was an inspiration for many, even me.... the "new" girl who hopes that one day I can be even half the rancher, wife, mother.... woman that Jayne had been. Rest in Peace. We will miss you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)