My First Blog Attempt

Well, after years of thinking, "I should really write this stuff down," here I am. I've always wanted to share my thoughts with the rest of the world, because I know you all will be better off for it. (wink-wink) In all seriousness, there's always been a burning desire to write within me and since I'm pretty sure, I'll never be published in a real book, I can pretend right here.

The real problem I'm having is where to begin? I think, maybe, I will begin with a dedication to a lady that I didn't know extremely well, but one that I feel would like to be remembered - Jayne Harris Voiles.

I can't remember the first time I met Jayne. I'm sure it was at a school function and since I'm "new" (meaning-I wasn't born here) to this rural community, I was probably being introduced to quite a few people, and, more than likely, I didn't remember half of their names twenty minutes later. However, Jayne stood out in my mind. She was funny. Not just cute funny. But "tell it like it is" funny. I liked her. She seemed genuine in my jaded eyes.  My husband told me later that Jayne and his mom had gone to school together and she was quite a character. She did things her way, was outspoken, and she was quite a cowgirl. I thought those were traits that any woman should admire.

Anytime I had the chance to spend time around Jayne, it was, well, an experience. I'm still a novice when it comes to living a life of a rancher's wife. Four years doesn't make a master of anyone at much of anything and Lord knows, I've tried, but I'm still struggling with all the details of living in a small ranching community "in the middle of nowhere" (as my dad would say). School functions and get togethers that I dreaded because I didn't "fit in" were made less confusing and much more fun with Jayne around. She didn't mince words when she felt strongly about something and yet, she never came across as mean or rude. You knew where you stood with Jayne. You didn't have to wonder if she was saying one thing to your face and telling everyone else that you were some stupid "wanna-be" behind your back.  Those are qualities I'm still trying to figure out. Maybe in twenty years I will be better. Probably not, but I can hope right?

I'm sure that Jayne had her faults too, we all have those. Regrets and mistakes make us who we are and hopefully teach us a little about life. I get to remember Jayne as a woman who welcomed me to this community with open arms. She made me laugh. She helped me to see this world I married into in a different light. Not just an isolated place where I was a stranger, outsider and a total joke when it came to knowing anything. She helped me to see that if I just reached out and put myself (the real me) out there, people would like me for who I am. And if they didn't... it was their loss, not mine.

Jayne passed away on Sept. 28th 2010, in her sleep, next to her husband Claude. Even though I didn't know her as well as I would have liked, I'm pretty sure that was the perfect end to her life. Falling into an eternal sleep next to a man, whom I know loved her deeply. I know this because every time I saw them together, he would look at her the way every girl wishes their guy would look at them . You know, the way the movies always show people in love??? Well, that was how Claude looked at Jayne. I can't imagine the hole that was left in his heart with her passing. (Well, I can a little bit, but that's another story) I do know that she left behind a memory that will live for a very long time. Today she is in my thoughts and I'm hoping that the ones who loved her will know that she was an inspiration for many, even me.... the "new" girl who hopes that one day I can be even half the rancher, wife, mother.... woman that Jayne had been. Rest in Peace. We will miss you.